I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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