If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
my sisters under your porch take her home
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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