and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
