Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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