okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
