how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Randomize
