Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
