Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
