I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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