i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize