Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
