yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
