well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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