We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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