I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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