Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
