If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
