On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
