If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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