Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
