it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize