Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
