I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
