Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
