ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
