Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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