you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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