I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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