You really coming over, don't trick.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
