God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Randomize
