Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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