a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Randomize
