Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
