I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
