Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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