Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
