I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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