I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Michael Bay diarrhea
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
