You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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