She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
sex in a hospital.. check
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
