Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
