Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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