I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize