Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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