He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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