Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
All the doctor said was why
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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