I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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