Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
