Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
