I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize