I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
