just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Someone shit on the floor
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
