Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
