Betty ford says i'm here all night
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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