i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
