So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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