I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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