Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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