Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
