She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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