16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
