You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize