not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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