the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Randomize
