i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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