I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
