i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
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