i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize