Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
