So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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