just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
